i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
