Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
