I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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