he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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