Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize