dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
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