I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I supernannyed him into submission
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Randomize
