My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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