I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I could fuck to npr.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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