i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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