I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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