Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
organizing the empties. That sober.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Please don't give away my fajitas
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
