Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Randomize
