Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Randomize
