you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Randomize
