Screwed.edu
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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