then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Randomize
