ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
