in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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