foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
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