can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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