That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
