you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
