I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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