I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Randomize
