Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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