i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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