oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
