I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
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