she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
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