the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I fill condoms, not promises.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
