Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
