Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
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