Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
