did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
