I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
