i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
it was like eating out sand paper
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize
