Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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