NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
