Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Randomize
