Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
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