I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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