I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
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