My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize