ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
