Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
he laminated a picture of his dick.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
