Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Randomize
