Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!