Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."