TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.