Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
