Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Randomize
