I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
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