You just made me feel so damn special
love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
