Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize
