Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Randomize
