drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
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