he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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