you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Randomize
