I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
