I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
