I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
These 23 People Had The Most Insane Spring Breaks Ever
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
25 Women On How They Let Their Oblivious Partners Know They Want To Bone
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
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