Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
These 25 People Are Obsessed With Pizza
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
16 Sexual Experiences EVERYONE Should Have At Least Once
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.