You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
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It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
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Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm