Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
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my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
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I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
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