Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out