I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
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