Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(917): View more from New York City

last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks

(917): View more from New York City

this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed

(917): View more from New York City

he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?

(718): View more from New York

messed up. what color are the wings?

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(917): last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks (917): this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed (917): he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF? (718): messed up. what color are the wings? http://tfl.nu/7ui0

Replies (11) Good night (2190) Bad night (558)
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(818): View more from California

Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.

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(818): Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished. http://tfl.nu/bnef

Replies (1) Good night (2151) Bad night (445)
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(605): View more from South Dakota

Say something about gay babies.

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(605): Say something about gay babies. http://tfl.nu/ehqd

Replies (15) Good night (1177) Bad night (1572)
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(540): View more from Virginia

I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.

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(540): I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down. http://tfl.nu/t10x

Replies (12) Good night (2804) Bad night (638)
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(312): View more from Illinois

i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it

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(312): i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it http://tfl.nu/tzqh

Replies (92) Good night (7400) Bad night (1982)
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(+44): View more from United Kingdom

That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar

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(+44): That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar http://tfl.nu/aq1i

Replies (11) Good night (4551) Bad night (1791)
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(616): View more from Michigan

I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked

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(616): I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked http://tfl.nu/2vrw

Replies (5) Good night (3556) Bad night (740)
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(918): View more from Oklahoma

Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?

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(918): Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right? http://tfl.nu/jzhy

Replies (2) Good night (2011) Bad night (668)
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(253): View more from Washington

Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.

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(253): Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know. http://tfl.nu/n76e

Replies (6) Good night (557) Bad night (1316)
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(314): View more from Missouri

I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.

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(314): I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move. http://tfl.nu/5xj0

Replies (9) Good night (936) Bad night (369)
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(775): View more from Nevada

Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one

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(775): Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one http://tfl.nu/6mot

Replies (7) Good night (314) Bad night (1050)
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(561): View more from Florida

I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.

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(561): I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face. http://tfl.nu/v359

Replies (6) Good night (349) Bad night (597)
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(269): View more from Michigan

We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash

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(269): We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash http://tfl.nu/cbce

Replies (3) Good night (974) Bad night (284)
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(860): View more from Connecticut

Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home

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(860): Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home http://tfl.nu/znwv

Replies (1) Good night (668) Bad night (436)
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(302): View more from Delaware

I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car

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(302): I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car http://tfl.nu/rca8

Replies (6) Good night (220) Bad night (750)

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