i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"