you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
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there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
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He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?