Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
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