make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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