Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
