he shaved USA in his pubs
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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