I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
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I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
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There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦🏼♀️
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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