so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Randomize
