There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
