Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
we're making bets on your personal life
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
