I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
