Already got asked if we're dating
I just pynch a tree in the face
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
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